when quiet takes action

I'm 27 days into to making some changes, and I have to say that thus far, it's been amazing!!  I feel better than I've felt in years.  I have hope and life and momentum and joy.  And I have flossed 27 days in a row.  Woo HOO!!!

I keep seeing things about people not making resolutions or goals or trying to come up with a word this year.  They are simply resting, listening to their bodies and what life has for them.  And I wish that could be me right now, but this is a year of action.

This is not my year to rest and listen. This is my year to create space SO THAT I can rest and listen, and actually hear what's being said.

I'm a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and as such, deeply affected by my surroundings and environment.  Clutter and too much has a paralyzing and depressing effect on me.  My threshold for what is overwhelming is probably lower than the average joe.

Sometimes I think that I'm living in the wrong era - this era of more, bigger, better, louder, faster, busier.  "Keeping up with the Joneses" in all this would literally send me to the looney bin.  But "they" say this is the right way to do things.  This is what's normal today and what I need to do in order to fit in and keep up.

Cacophony.  Yeah, that's what all this sounds like to me.  

The more I self-reflect, I more I realize that I insulate myself from the cacophony around me so that I can function.  Often, life feels too loud, too harsh, too much.

When I shut out the world, when I insulate myself, when I proverbially stick my fingers in my ears, the chaos is muted and sounds a little more like white noise...static.  It's manageable.  But when I do that, I shut out His voice too.  I can no longer hear Him.  And I shut out the good things, the joy.

With my fingers in my ears and everything else blocked out, sadly the only things I can hear loud and clear are the voices in my own head. And let me tell you, when I'm singing, "La, la, la" to the world, the voices in my head are not very kind.  

As I wrote about before, my word for the year is CHANGE. This action word ironically chosen mostly to quiet my life so that it no longer sounds like white noise.

Quieting my home.

Quieting my mind and body.

Quieting my time.

Quieting my family.

Quieting technology.


It seems ironic to have to actively quiet your life...to put forth much effort and work, so that the loudness in your home, mind, family, time, and technology will hush.  But sometimes, life is full of irony and I'm coming to the realization that trying to be still amidst the noise isn't working for me.

There is nothing quiet about being still amidst the noise.  Then it's just loud, still noise.  So, I'm pulling my fingers out of my ears, looking up, and making some changes.  

No one said I had to play by "their" rules, and I'm not gonna.

Hopefully with all this quieting, I will actually be able to hear.


What areas of your life can use some quieting these days?  

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2017 word for the year: CHANGE

Hello 2017.  You are a welcome face, and I've long anticipated your arrival.

2016 kicked my butt.  Well, I think it kicked my butt, except I can't remember much about it.  It all feels like a fog, which is why I'm pretty sure it kicked my butt.  2016 felt like survival mode times 10. Do all the things, get all the places, keep all the kids alive.

So, here we are... at the beginning again.  Praise God that beginnings come around again.  I would hate to live in a world that seems like one never-ending big loop around the sun.  Aren't we all longing for a fresh start and a clean slate and the opportunity for growth and newness at some point?  Sometimes in the midst of daily life, when we are bogged down in the grind, newness is hard to muster.

Today is no different than any other, except for the fact that it marks the completion of one circle around the sun and the beginning of a new one.  I'm so thankful for this life and that with this circling of the sun, we have a reminder to stop and reflect, to appreciate what has passed, dig into the present, and hope for the future.   Zora Neale Hurston once wrote,

"There are years that ask the questions and years that answer them."

2016 asked a lot of questions, and I'm hopeful that 2017 will begin to answer them.

And with that, my word for 2016 is CHANGE!

Every year for the past 5 years, I've chosen a word to guide me, inspire me, and focus my thoughts and actions.  I love it so much more than doing New Years resolutions.  The thing with a word is that it's simply a motivator.  You can't fail at it.  It doesn't feel limiting or like being bound by something. I usually choose my word based on what I feel I'm lacking or needing most in my life.

Change.  I desperately need change.  I need to change.  I need to be change.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."   

By this definition, I live in insanity.  I want my tomorrow to look different, but my today looks the same.  My tomorrow cannot possibly look differently if I don't do anything differently today.   Thus...change.

My husband and I feel like we've been living by default for a long time.  Default is auto-pilot in survival mode.  But we long to live intentionally...to be more than victims or passive participants in our lives.  I want to be a catalyst for change in our lives that will have positive impact on ourselves, our kids, our family, and the world around us.  That feels like it takes effort that I don't have in my reserves, but what I do today determines my tomorrow, so I'm going to have to find it.

I've done some brainstorming and have several areas in which I'm hoping to drive change:


Self-Care
For too long, I've put myself last on my own priority list, and I'm reaping the repercussions of that.  It's time to care for myself, my health, my body, my skin, my teeth, my mind.

Growth (Personal, Spiritual, Professional)
Along with caring for myself, comes with creating space and opportunity for growth.  I'm working on writing and professional goals and making the pursuit of those possible, letting go of what people think and being hindered by that, and doing something creative every day that fills me up.

Family
I love our family and our kids, but we could use way more routine and structure.  I'm focusing on more follow-through, more intentional quality time with kids, more fun, and slowing down.

Marriage
We've been married 15 years now!  With 3 kids and work and life, it's easy to give each other what's left over at the end of the day (which most of the time is almost nothing - a grumpy, tired wife who just wants to watch TV and go to bed).  I'm pushing for more active support of each other's daily lives and intentional connection with each other.

Home
Deep sigh.  I have a love/hate relationship with this little place we call home.  We are beginning what Ryan calls, "purge-atory."  Striving to purge, clear the clutter, and make our space manageable and a haven for our family.


Man, that's a long list, and because I'm a list maker, I actually have bullet action points under each category that I will spare you today.  :)   There's no way that I can tackle all of this at once, but I'm going to start to make small changes that will hopefully snowball.

And if you are looking at my list, thinking I'm crazy or feeling like I have something together, let me break this down into reality for you.

Today, my big change was to wear red lipstick.  Yep, you heard me correctly.  Red lipstick is bold and noticeable and sort of wild.  I felt scared to wear red lipstick.  Over-exposed.  Not able to blend in.  I like to blend in.   I was a bit worried what people would think or say.  You know what happened?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing...except the fact that I gained a little confidence in change and doing and being a little different.  No one batted an eyelash or said a word, and if they were thinking anything, I tried to not let my mind imagine it.  I can wear red lipstick and be more bold.  I can make a change that takes nearly no effort, but infuses a tiny bit of personal growth in building confidence.

As I try to shock myself into change, the little things that don't take much effort are going to be important in motivating me to the big things.  So, January 1, I start with red lipstick.   There is nothing too small or insignificant for a tiny uprising.

2017.  I'm kicking your butt this year!


Can I encourage you to choose a word this year?  Write it down.  Tape it to your bathroom mirror or the dashboard of your car.  Let it inspire you to live your best life and motivate you to make tiny changes that result in a snowball of positive force.  We can do this!

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mah girls

Since high school, I've lived a pretty transient life.  I've called 7 cities on the east coast, midwest, and now pacific northwest home.  Each of these moves and places felt like a stepping stone to the next.  We always knew that we would be moving on and that city, neighborhood, apartment was temporary.  And when we left to go to the next place, our eyes were forward.  Excited, and extremely anxious about a new start.

Two of our moves were halfway across the country, to cities in which we knew no one.  One of these cities I had never even visited before we were apartment hunting.  Starting from scratch.  Clean slate.  New beginning.  Those were hard moves.  Moves that took years to let the dust settle and begin to feel like home.

When we got to Seattle, we stopped looking forward and started looking around.  We were home.  Forever home.  No more moves, no more having to build new community, no more learning my way around a new place.  We planted our family tree right here and watered it and begin to watch the roots grow down and the branches grow up.  The rich soil nurtured our tree and, in a few years time, we found ourselves with some amazing friends and a love of this emerald city.

Since we had reached what we hope to be our final destination, I naively assumed that everyone else here had too.  Not sure why I did that.  I secretly hoped that my small group of 6 girls would be the same small group for the next 30 years.  That so much time and history and shared experience would knit our families together in ways I can't even imagine.  I'm a dreamer.  I know.

This group has been life blood to me.  Family standing in.  They have rallied around me in good times and bad, supported me through miscarriage, births, sickness, and the utter craziness that sometimes feels like my life.  They are the women that have kept my kids and cleaned my house, brought meals and chocolate, written endless words of encouragement, celebrated good things, shared uncountable glasses of wine and commiserated over messy houses and messy hearts.

They are women who hem me in and call me out.  We say hard things.  We have each other's backs.  We build each other up.  We laugh, a lot.  We send hail Mary texts to ask for help and rally around one another.  We send pictures of our massive laundry piles and dirty kitchens and utter nonsense to brighten each other's days.  This stay-at-home mom business can be lonely work, so we say, "Hey, you're not alone," in a million different ways.  

Quickly and mostly unexpectedly, two members of our group are moving.  These are good moves for them and for their families...exciting adventures that will lead to a new life somewhere else.  I'm happy for them and looking forward to see what God has in store for them.  These are powerhouse women, who live on the front lines of life and impact everyone around them for the better.  These new cities are getting ready to get their socks blessed right off.

But I'm also reeling a bit today and sad.  These girls are family to me, and it feels like my family and support system is breaking up.  For the first time, I'm not the one looking forward and anticipating a new start.   I'm the one watching someone else move on, and that feels strange and unsettling. I'm restless and want my own transition, so I don't have to go through the hard work that is staying put and plowing through.  I'm going to miss these girls so much, and though I know it's what's best and we will still be in contact, it feels like a huge loss in my daily life.

For a person who's moved so many times, I don't like change.  When I find a mascara or a pen that I like, I buy the same one over and over again, and it makes me so upset when they discontinue it.  I get rattled when I update the software on my phone or computer and things work differently.  Reality, though, is that the only constant in life is change.  And in order to thrive, I have to accept each day and each person as a gift.  I have to live in the present and be thankful for that moment, instead of assuming that it will always be there or even that it will be better in the future.  So many moments to be thankful for with these women.

Mah girls, I love you.  It's been an amazing ride.  You will be missed more than you can fathom.  I'll be cheering you on from here.

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